My sweet baby nephew, Mason, was stillborn this past July and my heart ached as I watched Craig and Heidi mourn and instantly I began to worry about what the future held for me. It scared me so badly, that I couldn't predict the outcome of tomorrow and kept questioning WHY things like that had to happen.
After a few months, I began to feel like we needed to add to our family, but I was EXTREMELY scared of getting pregnant.
I thought if I avoided getting pregnant, then I could avoid anything bad that could possibly happen.
Eventually, through many tears & prayers, I came to the conclusion that I may be preventing bad things from happening, but I would also preventing a million
AMAZING things from happening!
I posted this quote a few months back and feel like it helped me realize that I need to live for TODAY:
"Worry doesn't prevent what happens tomorrow,
it doesn't change what happened yesterday,
it only takes the JOY out of what happens today!"
And so we decided to add to our family, but I was so so so nervous.
Every scenario that I could possibly imagine ran through my mind...
-what if I can't ever get pregnant again?
-what if I get pregnant and then miscarry?
-what if something is wrong with the baby?
-what if the baby is still born?
-what if the baby lives and has complications later in life?
and the list went on & on & on...
It wasn't healthy and I knew it. If I wanted to have a healthy pregnancy, I needed to calm down and have FAITH in the plan laid out for me.
I eventually accepted every "scenario" on my list and when I did, I knew I was ready for whatever was in store for me.
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Several months later, I was entering my Doctor's office for my 1st appointment to
HEAR THE HEARTBEAT!
My heart was beating a million miles a minute and I was sick to my stomach all day with nerves.
And then I heard it...
my sweet baby's heart beating...as if he/she was telling me everything was going to be alright.
I felt immediate relief...
followed by immediate worry.
My thoughts were wandering again to "What if..." all over again.
I caught the thoughts quickly and told myself that I would be able to handle whatever comes my way.
I calmed my nerves & started to get excited to ANNOUNCE!
BUT...then that pit came back to my stomach...
There were certain people that I didn't know HOW to tell.
I have so many family members that have been trying to get pregnant, so many close friends that don't understand why they haven't been able to get pregnant for years, I know so many people that have lost baby after baby through miscarriages.
How do I tell them that I'm expecting???
Well after...nerves...nerves...and more nerves...
we decided to tell our FAMILIES!
I didn't want my sister or sister-in-law to feel bad, knowing they both wanted a baby too...
but they were so sweet & seemed honestly happy for us.
I'm so grateful for them and their reaction,
it made me me relax and realize that I need to be excited about this baby and stop worrying about EVERYTHING ELSE!
If I am going to be honest, I'm still extremely anxious in this pregnancy,
but I have also learned a lot and grown as a person & realize that no matter what happens...
I need to live for TODAY & not worry about TOMORROW!
We feel incredibly thankful for this baby, even though we have NO IDEA how we are going to sit through church with 3 cute & crazy kids!;)
Through all of the nerves, I can honestly say that I am so INCREDIBLY HAPPY & EXCITED for this baby and look forward to what the future holds!
I love talking to my boys about the BABY that is coming, guessing whether it is a boy or girl and I am looking forward to holding a sweet baby in my arms this SUMMER!
